Dear Whomever,
Nobody in Upper Valon knows what it's like to be me. Mother and Father always say, "When I was your age this", and "when I was your age that." They were never my age. I wish things would go back to the way they were before the incident because everybody looks at me when I'm out on the town and I can hear people whispering about me too and nobody ever looked at me like this before. I know it's because of what I did. People know.
I just wish I could be alone.
Mother and Father keep saying how proud or me they are bu I can't see why. All I did was read some book in the library. I didn't work for the power like Iagon or Erevan. I'm no good at magic. I probably would have been an awful wizard anyway. At least I don't have to study it anymore. Whoever said all the Illrune men had to be wizards, anyway?
Speaking of Erevan... Ashleigh came around this week. Everybody thinks she's so beautiful and talented and of course she is but really, deep down, I'm still afraid of her. I think she'll always be the little girl who called me carrion crawler and tried to push me off of Upper Valon. She's been nicer to me, but part of me still doesn't trust her. Am I bad person for writing such mean things about her? I have to make an effort to be more welcoming to her, if for no other reason than for Erevan's happiness. He is my brother and I love him even though her punches me sometimes and mostly ignores me.
He won't be able to ignore me forever. I can feel something shifting in me and it scares me. I can do things now that I'm not sure I feel comfortable with.
P.S.- Iagon sent me a conch shell from the Merfolk!
Keep it Secret,
Illander Illrune
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