Dearest Whomever,
Do you ever feel like you're trapped inside of yourself? That's how I've been feeling lately. I feel like I'm trapped inside of myself and there's this power that is dying to get out. I find it difficult to expres smyself and recently I've just totally holed up inside my own head. We fought a goblin army and I just couldn't do anything right. I even got caught beneath an avalance and the others just totally ignored me. Even Laird! I mean, I know Sadush is goofy over Ashleigh, but I thought maybe Laird would help me out. I almost died and nobody said one single word about it or lifted one finger to aid me!
I suppose I'll just have to keep trying to win their affections. After all, I'm chosen too. I'm also, special, right? Or is that a lie? I have to admit I don't feel special. I mean, accept for my arcane connection with the heavens or whatever.
How come it smells like rose petals after Ashleigh fey steps and like burning hair and electricity when I do it?
I should do daily affirmations to remind myself that I deserve to be on this adventure.
After we slayed the goblins Sadush threw up. I don't understand why. I mean, I know they're unpleasant little things, but honestly I kind of liked killing them a little. It feels good to shoot crackling energy from the stars through my wand. Oh yeah, I have a wand now.
Another poem I've been working on:
Jagged rocks
from an ancient wall.
Crash down and take this goblin.
Take me too.
Send me to death's dark bosom
where I will nurse from eternity's teet.
Forever.
Forever darknes and quiet.
I don't want
to smell rose petals anymore.
God, I am so depressing. I'm about to take a ride on a bathysphere. Let's hope the journey helps my weary old soul.
Keep it secret,
Illander Illrune
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